Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club

Scorecard

Chelmer Vets CC v Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team on Thu 06 Oct 2016 at 9.00 pm
Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Won by 55 runs

Match report Okay team…as promised here is the news you wanted me to report. Alan had a wicket maiden last night, and that came courtesy of a catch by Matloob. He will say it was a stunning catch, a catch to beat all catches, a catch that will never be forgotten. What he fails to realise is that our view of the catch was somewhat different to his and it’s this view that will get written up and remembered in the Wanstead Hits Over 40’s reports.
Alan will say that the catch only came because of the stunning delivery that he bowled, unplayable, would have hit the stumps, the batsman was lucky to get some bat on the ball. Again, as I have already said, the team have a rather different view of what the delivery was, and it’s this view that will be shared in greater detail in this report.
Right preamble time…after receiving much praise for the previous match report, I would like to thank the readers for their kind words and I would like to add that there are some “readers” who could learn a few good lessons from those ‘kind’ readers and keep their slanderous comments to themselves. Remarks like ‘fiction writer’ or ‘were you actually there?’ will not stop me from sharing my thoughts, my unbiased, totally fair thoughts, with the world (Well those interested in reading the Wanstead Over 40’s match reports).
For those that are interested, the team’s biggest fear was whether the ‘king of run outs’ would appear again and take out the team, again. (For those who are not familiar with this please take some time to read the previous report and the ‘king of run outs’ remark will be made clear.) As you can see form the scorecard, we only had three run outs and they were because the players were trying really hard to get the runs, but the opposition were just too accurate with their throws. Also Alan was the first player to be run out, so the rest of the team could relax and play their normal running game without the very real fear of going for a quick single and being left stranded by the ‘king of run outs’.
Okay, preamble over. Now the match report…well maybe in a minute. I just need to quickly add that Fayyaz and Ramon decided before the match that they wouldn’t try to steal the headlines this week and let the others try to contribute something to the result so the whole match report doesn’t revolve around their dynamic result influencing relationship. Others will try and spin this as Fayyaz bowling was awful tonight and Ramon still can’t keep because he doesn’t know what the gloves are for. However, will rise above the petty jealousies that others will throw at us and continue to do our utmost to be part of a team. A team that has a keeper with extra ordinary skill and Fayyaz being the bowler with ‘surprising’ bowling skills.
I thought you said the preamble was over…Ed? Cor blimey, everyone’s a critic these days.
As usual JC was sent in to do the toss with the Chelmer’s Captain. Like in all the previous matches the team has no idea whether he won the toss, but one thing is for sure, he keeps the decision a secret until the very last moment. As it turns out, we are batting again, so we all pad up and enter the hall to get the Wanstead innings underway. With no Ibrahim Aziz to operate the scoreboard, newbie Jim Croker has taken upon himself to operate it. I use the term operate in its loosest terms, as it appears he’s making a good effort at breaking the scoreboard. However Jim’s antics are less humorous compared to the Wanstead player who has taken over the role of being the scorer…the one, the only Associate Professor Matloob Piracha. He might be able to explain the effects of migration on the economy, but he has found his nemesis in filling out a scoresheet. You will see him sweat, take his glasses off, put them back on, struggle with the pen and adding the scores up. Why do we let him do it, you may ask? Some of us say it’s because he likes attempting such complex activities as filling out a scoresheet, others has said some unkind reasons that I won’t mention in this report. But either way, at the end of the match there are some glaring mistakes that have to be rectified by the umpires and members of both teams. I would like to say at this point that we are really happy that Matloob is working towards completing his GNVQ in Form Filling and despite the mistakes he makes, he is getting better every time he tries. So please everyone the next time you see Matloob, give him a pat on the back for all his efforts. I will let you all know when Matloob passes the GNVQ Level 1 in Form Filling. I am going to suggest to the club that it considers nominating Matloob for a Jack Petchy award for his efforts. I know that we all in the Over 40’s are so impressed with him (despite what anyone says).
Anyway, back to the match, (at last…you do appear to get distracted when you write these reports…Ed) I’m going to ignore this comment from the Editor, as again, they fail to appreciate that the readers enjoy the ‘back’ story to the players that I share with them, where all other match reports just dish out the facts but they forget the person that’s playing has skill and there is a history to their contribution.
And we’re back at the match…JC and Alan open the batting. As per usual nothing much happens for at least four overs apart from the poor calling and surprising running from Alan. The Wanstead total wobbles its way upwards, some runs, no wickets lost, JC retires to be replaced by Fayaaz. Fayyaz had said he was able to run and that his leg injury was all but over. Well, that was an exaggeration. The leg injury was still there and Fayyaz was not running anything. However, he did hit a couple of boundaries and Run Out Alan, so his innings wasn’t a complete shambles. Next in Jim Croker, the newbie, who had kindly driven two of the players to the match and taken over Scoreboard duties. The overs tick over, and with two balls left in the innings Fayyaz decides he’s had enough and runs himself out, sending in the keeper to close out the innings not out, but Jim had run himself out with the Wanstead total on 100 for 5.
Matloob finishes his bit of scoring and the GNVQ invigilator appears to validate the work Matloob has completed and signs it off. The team takes to the hall to defend the total. Wanstead feel this is a total that they can defend. So about the task of restricting the Chelmer run chase.

JC opens the Wanstead response with the usual fierce vicious bowling that we have come to expect from the Former 1st XI opening batsman. Tonight, the bowling is the usual, too fast and too wide. However the keeper is up to the task and keeps the byes to nil and the batsman on their toes. No wickets in the opening over…and just 4 runs added to the total. The ball is thrown to Fayyaz. As its already been said earlier in the report, Fayyaz and Ramon have agreed not to dominate the match so that the others can get a look in, so Fayyaz bowled wide of the crease and the gave away only 1 run in this his first over, and 5 in his second over. Thus signalling to the others that it’s their turn to step up and take the wickets. Jim was first up to the bowlers end and bowls the Chelmer’s opening batman, clean through the gate. I can’t really say much else about the Croker over, apart from the wicket came as a complete shock. The deliveries came, 1, wide, 4, wide, wicket. Caught the batsman completely by surprise. It has to be said, that the team were also in shock, but they hid it well. Next over, Alan receives his call up. Earlier in the dressing room, Alan had been moaning that we had not given him the chance to bowl this season. Well he had not taken a wicket in months, so why would he feature in our thoughts about taking wickets. Previously when he had been bowling, the batsman had at the end of the matches thanked us for letting Alan bowl. Bearing in mind that I am not commenting on the quality of Alan’s bowling, just that the oppositions total had increased significantly after the one over spell that Alan was given. One has to also take into consideration that previous to being ‘King of the runs outs’ Alan was also called the’ Pie man’ not because he likes pies, no, but because he has a tendency to bowl pies. Some people will think I’m being rude towards Alan, this could not be further from the truth. No, I am setting the scene for this glorious over, this over of magnitude that Alan says swung the match in our favour of Wanstead. It invigorated the other bowlers to raise their game. This is what Alan was saying…I’m only just repeating his words. The author’s opinion…unbiased as it always is, will be shared at the appropriate moment, which just happens to be now. Using the critical analysis skills my Education has taught me to use, my assessment of Alan’s over gives me the following insight. Not only was Alan’s over glorious in certain respects but it made us, his fellow teammates look at his bowling in a totally different way to what we would normally. The suggestion from the field was that Alan should seek out sponsorship from a pastry company known as Pukka, who are famous for their Pies. Yeah, Alan got a wicket maiden and in the end his figures of 2-1-3-2 do look very respectable. Two wickets and a maiden, but they don’t tell the full story. For that my lawyers have said that I should save for another day as the truth may appear too incendiary for some.
It’s at this juncture that I feel it’s important to revisit the catch made by Matloob Piracha in Alan’s first over…yes yes, the wicket maiden over. Just to recap, that Matloob has made statements suggesting that this catch is by far the best catch taken by anyone, anywhere in the world. Again, I feel that to give this catch its due status I have to set the scene to how it appears to be this miraculous fielding event. Then you, the reader can decide themselves how good this catch was. So here goes…Fielder (who is in his 50’s), wears glasses that he takes off so he can read, is standing at mid on. Alan bowls the ball, some say it was the Pie ball, anyway, the batsman swings his bat about three or four times and connects with the leading edge. The ball pops up in the air, Matloob realises something is occurring in his direction. He takes off his glasses and gives them to the umpire, who can’t quite understand what’s going on. Matloob lets his sight adjust and sees that the ball is still in the air, but just out of reach, thus requiring him to move a bit. For those on the field we could hear what sounded to be the clicking and grinding of bones moving for the first time, maybe a touch of osteoarthritis was being heard. Well whatever it was, it looked and sounded very painful both on the fielder and the fielders watching. Will he catch hit? will he miss it? It wasn’t looking to good at this moment, the odds were in favour of Matloob missing the catch all together. But as luck would have it, the Omega three oil pills this Over 50’s player has been taking to combat the onset of the osteoarthritis helped him lunged forward and grasp the ball.

I have to stop here as I have to go and work…back later with this exciting closing bits.


Its time to compile the epilogue of this piece. So at the moment we have dealt with the 'major' events of the Wanstead innings (that's the events according to Matloob and Alan). Well return to the story/match report at Matloob lunging for the catch . Well if you've not worked it out, here is a very obvious clue. Matloob had his hands around the ball and he was running around the hall with a look of utter shock on his face. In other words, yes hes caught the ball. He caught everyone eye and could see the amazement in them. This glorious moment for Matloob was somewhat cut short by a remark from JC. Who said, why didn't you just dive for the ball? I dont think JC meant to belittle the effort Matloob made especially given the age and creaking bones we obviously heard, i suspect that was a coaching tip from JC on how to improve your fielding. I think Matloob thanked JC for that advice using his fingers. I couldn't see, but I'm assuming the fingers where the thumbs up. So now we are at the tail end of the innings and Matloob is give the opportunity to bowl. Now there had been a considerable amount of discussion about whether Matloob be given the ball after last weeks debacle. If you have read the previous report you will be aware that Matloob gave away 37 runs in his first over. So you can understand the concern the team had. Well, tonight, Matloob didn't give away 37 runs, no he only gave away 9...all wides, but a lot less than last week. And the bonus was he clan bowled two of the Vets. So all told, Matloob had an outstanding evening, he bowled really well and passed some of his GNVQ. What an evening for Matloob!!
The overs have been completed and the Chelmer total was not hitting the run rate and they ran out of overs meaning that Wanstead finished as the victors. I would like to thank The Chelmer Vets for the good spirit they played the game look forward to meeting them further in the tournament, they are a very decent bunch of players.
So this means that this report is now complete. If you have read this for the first time and like it, there are previous reports that have been written that show the exploits of the over 40's team. Feel free to read and enjoy them.
So, until the next time I offer this advice...Omega 3 oil pills really works for the older bones...ask Matloob


Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 3 wickets
0
100		        
John Chambers Retired Not Out  25
Jim Croker Run out  18
Matloob Piracha  
Alan Lord Run out  21
M. Fayyaz Khan Run out  16
Ramon Chesney Not Out  0

Chelmer Vets CC Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Chelmer Vets CC Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 5 wickets
0
45 (10.0 overs)		     
   
   
   
   
   
   

Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club Over 40's Indoor Team Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
John Chambers1.00400.004.00
M. Fayyaz Khan2.00700.003.50
Alan Lord2.01321.501.50
Matloob Piracha3.01924.503.00
Jim Croker2.0015115.007.50