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Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club
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Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club - SCaM DOPE 2011
Members of Wanstead and Snaresbrook Cricket Club will be aware of the government’s shocking decision to abolish the forthcoming Mothering Sunday, as part of the Ordinance announced in the early hours of this morning (Strategic Cancellation Mothers’ Day Ordinance Pertinent to Economy, or SCaM DOPE).
The Order-in-Council has banned Receiving , Using, Soliciting or Enjoying (RUSE) any Mothers’ Day gifts, and requires that all such intended gifts be donated instead to a not-for-profit organisation which has been designated as being able to provide suitable Management Utility Guarantees (MUGs).
Your club is pleased to advise you that it is an accredited MUG, and will be pleased to receive any Mothers’ Day present which you cannot use.
To this end, and in anticipation of heavy demand, the club has provided 20 skips where we can receive the gifts that you would, but for the government’s intervention, have given your mother.
Due to the ground being wet we cannot store the skips on the playing surface so we are forced to park them on the new net surfaces that were installed last summer at a cost of £30,000. The committee is aware that some damage has resulted, which means that the nets will have to be rebuilt totally, and we apologise that the nets will now not be available until 1 April next year (2012).
We ask that all members bring their unusable gifts to Overton Drive by 11 a.m. today (1 April 2011), so that we can begin the task of re-packaging the items For Onward Useful Lasting (FOUL) purposes. The original deadline was to have been 12 noon, but we are forced to advance this by an hour in order to comply with the Reversal of Time (ROT) Directive which has cancelled British Summer Time as from today.
The club management is as upset as anyone else by these directives, and many of the committee members have dispatched their own mothers to the Demo up Downing Street (DUDS).
Thank you for all your contributions, and please remember, IT IS NOW A CRIMINAL OFFENCE TO GIVE YOUR MOTHER A PRESENT NEXT SUNDAY.
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